One to Rival

Back in March I wrote about my mother's trials with the English language:

It has been reported many times that my Asian mother does not speak English that well.

Today, she called from her car to ask if the girls wanted anything from Sonic on her way home from shopping.

Wee One wanted a grape slush.

When my mother arrived, she came in and handed the baby the grape slush, then turned to me and asked: "WHAT is that called?"

Confused, I answered slowly: "A grape slush."

She tried to repeat the word "slush."

I laughed.

She said that crazy woman at Sonic just couldn't hear.

What I heard her say was: "Grape sluts..."

Well, I think she may have managed to top that one.

When we were in the grocery store the other day my mother wanted grapes, but not just any grapes would do.

While I was off with the unenviable task of choosing the freshest garlic and onions, I saw my mother approach one of the grocery clerks and engage in conversation.

By the time I returned to my mother, she had rendered the poor clerk confused and flustered and Sweet One's face was beet-red with one of her hands covering her mouth.

Sensing a translation problem, I gently inquired if all were well.

The lady clerk just looked at me and my mother was obviously irritated. She turned to me in exasperation and said: "All I asked for were shitless grapes."

SEEDLESS, that would be SEEDLESS grapes...